Loving Her Was Red
by xWaywardWinchester
Summary: There's very little we won't do for the ones we love. Sometimes that means sacrificing it all, no matter the consequences. [Supernatural one shot, Dean/OC pairing]


"You're my weak spot. Always have been, always will be."

"And you're mine. That's the problem. I can't allow it." Hardened jade eyes kept the gaze of the sea glass colored set that stared him down. He could see she was fighting to keep her emotions in check. As hard as it was for her, it was just the same for him.

"People that get close to me, they get hurt. I've put more people that I've loved in the ground than I can count, and God knows I couldn't-" a quick catch of breath in his throat. The thought of losing her hurt more than he could fathom. He wouldn't allow himself to think about it.

"You're an idiot, Dean Winchester."

Her brows had furrowed in anger, and her eyes had glossed themselves over with tears that she refused to let fall. It was the first time Dean had seen her hurting this way. Even when she lost her father she had kept herself together. Not now, though. And that cut into him deeper than any blade could hope to.

"August-"

"Don't." With that one word, August cut his words short. "Don't you dare try and give me the 'I have to do this for you,' speech. In case you've forgotten I've lost people too. I don't know a hunter on the face of this godforsaken planet that hasn't! And now you wanna lose someone else just because you're afraid something bad's gonna happen..." Her anger was all the more evident now, her normally fair skin as red as the mess of curls she had pulled back in a high ponytail.

"I've never let anyone in, Dean," August continued, her voice a whisper with a tone crossed in anger and heartbreak. "I never got the chance. And when I finally did I never saw the point in it. Then you and Sam come along and that plan went right out the goddamn window. You weasel your way in and now you decide you want out. How the hell is that fair?"

And now Dean felt himself growing angry, brought on by frustration in trying to make her understand how he saw it all. "In case you forgot in your delusional little fantasy world, our lives _aren't_ fair! You really think I'm enjoying this? Do you think I'm that much of a heartless bastard that I'd sit here and hurt you like this for any reason other than to protect you?!"

Both their stares were cold, and broken. Even in the heat of the moment, when they were at each other's throats, the unspoken fact remained; this was tearing them both up, and such as it always was in the life of a hunter, all good things have to come to an end. And so it was with shaking hands that August moved to the hotel door, picking her jacket up from the table beside it and throwing it on. Dean didn't say a word as she opened it, but still August stopped in the doorway, one foot out and her right hand on the frame.

"You can't even protect yourself, Dean." Her words came out in a whisper, barely loud enough for him to take in. "What makes you think you can protect me?"

She stepped into the night then, closing the door behind her as she did so. If only he knew the significance in those words, maybe things would have ended differently for both of them.

* * *

A low rumble of thunder echoed over the hotel as Sam stepped out of the Impala and moved towards the hotel room, a bag of burgers in his free hand that he promptly placed on the table beside the door as he walked inside. He noticed two things immediately; Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed looking as though he'd lost everything, and August was nowhere to be seen.

Instantly Sam had a bad feeling, and spoke up. "Where's August?"

Dean gave a shrug. "Gone. Walked out not even ten minutes ago."

"And you just let her go?!"

Sensing the panic in his brother's voice, Dean looked up then with a raised brow. The younger Winchester was pulling the car keys from his pocket and heading back for the door. "What the hell's your issue Sammy?"

It hit him then; Dean had no idea what was really going on.

"She didn't tell you, did she?" The words slipped from his mouth before he realized what he was saying, and when Sam saw the fear on Dean's face he threw the door open. "Get in the car, I'll explain on the road!"

The thunder was growing louder now, but August hardly noticed it. Her mind was occupied on more important things. The fight she and Dean had had confirmed what she needed to know, and fueled her courage to go forward with what she had to do.

* * *

Her mind wandered back to the last conversation she had with Sam earlier that day when Dean had been showering.

 _"Any luck on finding a way to get Dean out of his deal?"_

 _"Nothing yet. But I'm not giving up on it." Sam kept his eyes on the laptop screen, determination written all over his face. August admired that about the younger Winchester brother. Always determined, especially when it came to his brother. And knowing that they could quite possibly be the only hope Dean had for getting out of the deal with the Crossroads demon, she knew that determination wouldn't be going away anytime soon._

 _At least not that Sam was aware of anyway. August on the other hand...that was a different story._

 _"I might know a way."_

 _Sam jerked his head up then, giving her his undivided attention. "What do you mean?"_

 _If he knew the plan, he would tell Dean. They would try to stop her no matter what. She couldn't allow that to happen, even if she was terrified of what was to come._

 _"Someone takes his place," she said simply. "Someone with a soul worth bidding on."_

 _Even trying to keep it as vague as possible, Sam picked up on her implications right away and made it known that he did. "No, no way August. Are you crazy?"_

 _"Shh!" she hissed, trying to keep him silent since his brother could finish his shower at anytime. "I never said I was going to. Or even that it would work. It was just a suggestion, that's all." But that wasn't the truth. Not a word of it was, and Sam seemed to pick that up as well. That was the thing about the younger Winchester brother. Vigilance was his specialty at times._

 _"Where did you get the idea? And don't you lie to me either, August Colvin."_

 _She allowed her eyes to meet his then, and gave the statement as simply as she could. "Because the demon told me so. I saw it, last night when you two were sleeping."_

 _"You summoned it?!"_

 _August shook her head. "It was outside the hotel. Watching. And it spoke to me. In my mind, told me exactly what to do. And if it means getting Dean out of his deal, and keeping you two together why shouldn't I do it?"_

 _Angrily Sam spoke up once more. "Because I'm not going to let you. And neither will Dean when I tell him-"_

 _"Don't! Not a word to Dean, Sam." She couldn't make eye contact with him, not even when he spoke again._

 _"One condition. You tell me why you'd even consider this deal, and spare me the crap August."_

 _But she couldn't bring herself to say why. The running water had shut off, and August found her eyes looking up towards the bathroom door. Sam understood then, and he felt his heart go out for August. So what he had suspected all along had been true. He knew Dean was falling hard for her, and now it seemed she felt the same way._

 _With a heavy sigh the younger Winchester gave a nod then. "Not a word. But you get the thought out of your head. We'll figure out another way, together." Because now, they both had a common goal; save the one they love._

A blinding flash of lightning brought August back to reality, and illuminated the figure waiting for her at the center of the crossroads. The demon stood tall, with a smirk and an extended hand.

"Good to see you've made the right choice, Miss Colvin."

August stepped forward, looking up as he stood a good foot and a half taller than she. "Spare me the pleasantries. We have a deal to discuss."

* * *

"She did _what?!_ "

Sam was in the passenger seat, Dean at the wheel and driving like a madman to try and get caught up to wherever August might be. He was furious, more at himself than her. How had he not seen this? How had he not known?

"I can't get her cell," Sam spoke then, slamming his own cell down in the seat.

"Damn it August!" Dean growled in frustration and anger. "Why would she do this?!"

"It should be pretty obvious by now, Dean!" Sam snapped back, a rumble of thunder shaking the car as they whipped around the corner. Dean knew Sam was right but didn't say anything, He kept his concentration on driving, knowing the crossroads were close by.

 _'I'm coming August. God don't let it be too late...'_

* * *

"I have to say, I admire your bravery," the demon commented, looking August up and down as he did. "Damning your own soul to save the life of someone so undeserving. It's a beautiful thing."

"The deal," August retorted, voice icy as the wind that was picking up around them.

Her counterpart chuckled then, amused by her determination. "Yes yes, the deal. Dean's freedom from his contract, in exchange for your own soul to be bound in Hell for eternity. To take effect immediately. Am I correct?"

August gave a nod, and the demon now stood face to face with her. "Then it's done. You know what to do."

A loud clap of thunder echoed through the area, masking the sound of the Impala approaching them. August saw the headlights in the distance however, and with a swift move she found her lips meeting those of the demon's, sealing her fate and freeing Dean from his.

* * *

"There!"

Dean threw his foot down on the brake as the two figures came into view, glowing pale in the headlights. He threw it in park and they ran, trying to get to August.

 _"No!"_ The voice that came from his mouth didn't sound like his own, for it was full of fear. But it was too late. The figures before them parted, and the demon disappeared, laughing deeply as he did. August turned, facing the brothers and Dean saw them then; those tears from the hotel that were now falling down her cheeks as the first raindrop fell from the sky.

Another loud crack of thunder split the air around them as Dean reached out to grab August, but in the same instance a strong gust of unseen energy blew past them and the three were thrown back in different directions. A bloodcurdling scream filled Dean's ears, and his vision became only red in color as his eyes fell on the wounds that were beginning to cover her body. Hellhounds tore into her flesh, destroying her with every bite and gash they sent into her skin.

By the time they got to her body, it was too late. She barely hung onto life as Dean pulled her into his arms.

"No no no, come on August! Come on, don't you do this to me!"

Dean could feel her struggling to breathe, but still she smiled up at him somehow. "You...you're free," she whispered, her voice fading as the light in her eyes did as well. She was gone, and Dean felt every bit of himself go with her. He might not physically be in hell, but without her in his life, he might as well be.

As much as he wanted to protect her, he couldn't. She was gone. And so was he.

* * *

It had been a year to the day, and Dean Winchester once again found himself in that small town out in the south west. It all hit him at once as he was driving through, Sam sleeping in the passenger seat. That heartache had never gone away, not fully. But he had learned to live with it and manage it as best he could. Now though, he couldn't say the same. The pain came back tenfold, and it took all he had to keep himself together.

A strong hand fell on his shoulder, and he didn't have to look up to see that Castiel had appeared in the backseat of the car.

"You gotta stop with the hocus pocus Houdini act, Cass," he commented, as usual getting no humorous response from the angel that watched over the two of them.

"I appear in your times of need, Dean," Castiel commented in his matter-of-fact tone. "You're hurting."

"I'm fine," he snapped back, but of course the angel was not so easily fooled. "Return to the grave. Find your closure. It's the only way you'll be able to move on from this."

And for once, Dean didn't make a smart ass comment. Because while he would never admit it outright, he knew Cass was right. He had to go back.

* * *

The Impala was parked under the shade of the large apple tree, closest to the old horse pasture. And Dean walked just a few feet away to where a small marker stood beneath another. He had insisted on making the trip to her home state in South Carolina to lay her to rest in her favorite spot on her family's property. Sam hadn't once objected.

When he reached the grave, Dean knelt down in front of the marker. In his hand he held a bouquet of white roses, her favorite flowers which he lay on before him with a heavy heart. This was the last way he ever expected to give her flowers.

"Hey Red," he said softly, using the nickname she pretended to hate whenever he would call her by it. But August had admitted to Sam one day she really adored it. Because it was from Dean.

"I know you'd probably be pissed if you knew I hadn't salted and burned you, but...well you know." Truth was Dean couldn't bring himself to do it. Because he had hoped to find a way to bring her back from hell. After all it was his fault she was there in the first place. At first he looked without stopping, but found no leads. It led to nights of binge drinking himself into blackouts, edged with guilt that would eat at him without mercy. If he hadn't hated himself before that night, he did now.

And that guilt never left him, even after Sam and Cass had stepped in.

"Look August. I...I know you can't hear me," Dean began to speak, and found he couldn't stop. "But I want you to know how sorry I am. For what I said to you that night, for...for not being able to save you. For not knowing what you were thinking to begin with. I should have seen it, but I didn't. And I hate myself every day for it."

The tears, the ones he'd held back for so long were flowing freely now. Dean didn't bother to try and stop them.

"If I could go back and change it all, I would. You'd still be here, with Sam. You two would have been fine without me. But you...you were so stubborn. Even more-so than Sammy. I-I think that's one of the reasons I fell for you in the first place. And I'm so..so sorry for never telling you that. You were the first woman I've ever fallen in love with and it scared me. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you, and I did anyway. I pushed you into it by pushing you away and I swear to God August if I could take it all back I would."

He paused for a moment, just long enough to wipe his eyes and take a breath.

"I miss you, August."

He could have sworn he felt the warmth of a hand covering his own, but of course there was no one there. Dean took a deep breath, standing then and turning to go back to the Impala. Once inside he cranked the engine and backed up, looking into the rear-view mirror one last time to take in the sight of the grave marker again. Instead, a soft glowing figure stood beside it, smiling gently with a raised hand bidding him goodbye.

For once, Dean wasn't afraid to see a spirit. Instead he found himself smiling with tears in his eyes once more. She had escaped the grasp of Hell, somehow. And for that, as well as seeing her one last time, Dean was thankful. He turned the radio on as he put the car in drive, chuckling to himself when he realized her favorite song was drifting through the speakers. He found himself singing along softly as he returned to the highway, at peace with the fact that August was alright after all. Maybe now, he would be too.

 _"Forgetting her was like trying to know somebody you've never met. And loving her was red..."_

 **A/N: Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read my first one-shot story! I hope you all enjoyed it and that I did the characters [particularly Dean] justice! Since this was my first attempt at a one-shot, I hope you guys can forgive me if it isn't too great. I plan to write more in the future here to help improve my writing, so if you'd like to leave a review please do. I'm always welcome to hearing constructive criticism! Thanks again guys, and happy reading!**


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